You might be from Sparta...

Have you ever heard those old redneck jokes - If you've ever named a child after a dog, you might be a redneck...
Back in ancient Greece, they used to throw around jokes about people being from Athens or Sparta. Your task is to take 5 "things" that are typical of one of those cities, and make a redneck joke from it.

Example:
If you don't know the difference between Plato and Play-doh, you might be from Sparta

Have fun!!

Some examples from this year: