Act Like a Man / Be Ladylike Stereotypes

Introduction: What do "acting like a man" and "being ladylike" mean in our society? What are the gender stereotypes, and how do these stereotypes affect our relationships with others?

How would you define "stereotype"?
What are some typical examples? ("A group of teens in a store must be shoplifting," "Dumb Blondes," "Men don't cry," etc.)

These beliefs are so ingrained in our consciousness that many of us think that gender roles are natural, so we don't question them. Even if we don't consciously subscribe to them as part of our own belief system, our culture bombards us with messages about what it means to be men and women.

Defining Gender Stereotypes

The "Act Like a Man" Box

What does it mean to act like a man? What words or expectations come to mind? Be specific

We're going to call this the "Act Like a Man" stereotype. Inside the box is a list of attitudes and behaviors that boys are expected to adopt in the process of becoming men in our society. Men and boys are not born this way; these roles are learned through socialization.

The "Be Ladylike" Box

What does it mean to be ladylike? What words or expectations do you think of?
This is the "Be Ladylike" Box. It's a stereotype just like in the "Act Like a Man Box." Its walls of conformity are just as restrictive. Women also learn to conform to very specific role expectations as they grow up being female in our society.

Learning Gender Roles

Where do we learn these gender roles?
What people teach us these stereotypes? Entertainment? Sports? Media?
Where do women learn these messages?
What other people influence our learning of gender roles?
Where else in society do we find these messages?

How Stereotypes Are Reinforced

What names or put-downs are boys called when they don't fit the box?
What names are women called if they step out of the stereotype box?

How do these labels and names reinforce the stereotype box?
How does it feel when we are called these names?
What do you think the person who is using these put-downs is feeling?

These names are used in order to hurt people emotionally, and we react by retreating to the "safety" of the stereotype box.

Evaluating the Gender Stereotypes

How many boys in the class have never cried, hands up?
Does this mean that those of you who didn't put up your hands are wimps or nerds?
What about the girls; how many want to be passive and delicate?

Biff and Bambi Role Play

Background: This ten-minute role play scenario helps students to see the power imbalance created when two young people try to act out the stereotypical behavior of "Acting Like A Man" or "Being Ladylike." The participants act a role that is not true to themselves; they are compelled to conform to the gender stereotypes.

Imagine two young people — we'll call them Biff and Bambi. They've been dating for a few weeks and they like each other. However, they aren't very skillful at creating a fair and supportive relationship because they both have "bought into" the stereotype boxes. He acts controlling. She behaves passively, always putting his wishes first.

Biff decides that the two of them will go to see a movie Friday night. Bambi has already made plans with her friends to go out for pizza.

Biff and Bambi meet in the hall at school. Now, let's see what happens...

What is Bambi experiencing? What is Biff experiencing?
To each actor: How does it feel to be in this position?
What stereotypical attitudes are they each acting out?
What does each character really need from this encounter?
What suggestions can you offer for them to relate better?

Scene two: Let's see Biff and Bambi try again, only this time they will make an effort to go beyond gender stereotypes. They want to get to know each other and have a relationship that is safe, supportive and fair, and based on respect and caring.

This time, the goal of their encounter in the hall is to find a solution to their conflict in a way that allows both of them to feel that they have been heard and respected. They may need to compromise.

Biff and Bambi:

How did you feel in this scene?
Compare how it felt to "be in character" for each of the two scenes in the role play.

Now that we've looked at the gender role stereotypes, what is it about them that leads to violence in relationships?

Sample scenario for discussion: "Biff" and "Bambi" go out on a date to the big dance at school. After the dance, they go parking. They start necking and Biff wants to go "all the way." Bambi doesn't feel comfortable going any further.

If these two teens really believe in the stereotypes, what's going to happen next in this situation?
What's the worst thing that could happen in this scenario? (Date rape)
Can you think of other situations in which trying to live up to the stereotypes would be unhealthy?

originally found at http://www.media-awareness.ca/eng/med/class/teamedia/session1.htm