The
inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They worshiped the god Onassis,
and Rosetta Stone was the first queen of Egypt. They lived in the Sarah
Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the sarah is such that
the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert
are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape
of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between
France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. The first book of the Bible is Guinesses, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" Noah's wife was called Joan Of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles. The Jews had trouble throughout their history with unsympathetic Genitals. Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments. The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery".
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He faught with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 500 porcupines.
Jesus was born because Mary had immaculate contraption. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibles. One of the opposums was St. Mathew. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
Without
the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The greeks invented 3 kinds of columns:
Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female
moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River
Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by
Homer. The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair. They looked like women,
only more horrible. Hoomer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was
the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer
was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. Socrates was
a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed
him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they faught the Parisians, the greeks were outnumbered because the Parisians had more men. After the second invasion of Greece, the Athenians took refuse on their ships.
Eventually the Ramons conquered the Greeks. History called people Romans because they never stayed in one place very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Then
came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived
in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the battle
of hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the
victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally the Magna
Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
The
Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their
human being. The term Renaissance refers to the after-birth of learning.
During the renaissance, people began to think for the first time. Michelangelo
illustrated the Sixteenth Chapter of the book "The Agony and the Ecstacy."
We don't know who did the other fifteen, but they say it was one of the
other Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A favorite character in English history
is Henry VIII because he had eight wives and killed them all. Henry VIII
lived in a two Door castle. During his reign, the head of the church fell
into the hands of the King. Henry VIII thought so much of Wolsey that he
made him a cardigan.
The
greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never
made much money and is famous only because of his plays. he lived in Windsor
with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of
Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving
himself in a long soliloquy. In another, lady Macbeth tries to convince
Macbeth to kill the king by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are
an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear
was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote." The next great author was
John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote
"Paradise Regained."
The
Pilgrams were a bunch of English wonderers who wanted to worship as they
wanted to. These people always wore old shoes with a big buckel on the
top of them. The men wore pants that only came a little ways past the knees
and the girls wore funny bonets. They excaped the Church of England and
came over here because they heard that American churches were different.
The May Flower was the ship with which they came in. It didn't have a bathroom
on board so there was quite an oder. Priscillia Mullins was the captain.
First the Pilgrams had gone to Holland but left when their children started
developing customs there. After a stopover at Williamsbug when a large
storm blew them off course they landed on a big, slimey rock in Massatusetts.
When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by indians, who came
down the hill rolling their hoops before them. The indian squabs carried
porposies on their back.
The
French settlement in North America consisted of a series of military fornication
up and down the Ohio River. One of the causes of the revolutionary Wars
was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send
their parcels through the post without stamps. During the war, Red Coates
and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking
and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer
had to pay for taxis.
Abraham
Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy,
and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When
Lincoln was president, he wore only a tall silk hat. His pictures make
him look thin and emancipated. He said "In onion there is strength." Abraham
Lincoln wrote the Gettysberg Address while traveling from Washington to
Gettysberg on the back of an envelope. Two hardships of the Civil War were
the Monitor and the Merrimack. Abraham Lincoln lived at the Gettysburg
address. He wrote the exclamation proclamation. He also signed the Emasculation
Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship.
But the clue clux clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other
innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a sopposedly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career. Lincoln debated Kennedy on TV in 1960. Kennedy
won because he looked good. Lincoln had pallor due to his assassination.
Meanwhile
in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity
and also wrote a book called "Candy." Gravity was invented by Issac Walton.
It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off
the trees.
The
sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the
east and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen.
She sat on a thorn for 63 years. That was the Victorian Age, when nice
ladies were considered virgins. In that day in time, when people conversated,
they conversated proper and with good grammer. In yesteryear, sex was considered
sacred and only attempted after marriage. Women wore a lot of accessories
in the Victorian age, such as griddles. Her reclining years and finally
the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death
was the final event which ended her reign.
Elections
are different from politics. Elections come and go while politics are with
us all the time. The campaign is when the candidate tells what he stand
for and the election is when the votes tell if they can stand for his being
elected. When they talk about the most promising presidential candidate,
they mean the one who can think of the most things to promise. A split
ticket is when you don't like any of them on the ticket so you tear it
up. Noncommittal is to be able to talk and talk without saying anything.
Political strategy is when you don't let people know you have run out of
ideas and keep shouting anyway. A candidate should always renounce his
words carefully. Campaigns give us a great deal of happiness by their finally
ending. We are learning how to make our election results known quicker
and quicker. It is our campaigns we are having trouble getting any shorter.
One
of the strictest rules is all dark horses running for president must be
people. Universal suffrage means that even the illegible get to vote. A
caucus is something people vote in, sort of a small booth. The jobs of
delegates is to resent their states. An overwhelming favorite is a candidate
that often comes over to the convention and whelms the delegates. Popular
votes tell who is the most popular. Electoral votes tell who is the most
elected. It is possible to get the majority of electoral votes without
getting the majority of popular votes - anyone who can ever understand
how this works gets to be president.